Zachary Klein

zach1ProfileAnd I deserve it. I did it to myself. I should be locked up. Time for someone to rip my fingers off the clicker, keyboard and telephone. Time to chill in a rubber room and get force-fed Thorazine.

But why now, you ask?

Close to five hours keeping company with Wolfe watching thirteen asswipes screaming for dark meat. Listening to…NO Syrians! NO Mexicans! NO Muslims! NO Obama! But no NO to all the White meat mass-murderers who can get guns at a fucking show without having to bother with a background check. That’s why.

Along with no NO to all the stupid ass lies that catapulted us, bombs first, into the Middle East. Licking chops at the prospect of slaughtering towel-heads, despite the loss of sixty thousand American Ground Pounders, Wingnuts, and our coalition partners. Not to mention hundreds of thousands Iraqi and Afghani people who had gornisht to do with the Saudi terrorists who brought down the Trade Center.

They fucking pretend nothing needs to be said about those Middle East wars, instead just pander to voters’ fears and ugliest instincts. Christ, if I believed in these mooks’ collective worldview, or believed that most Americans felt the same, I’d start inviting friends and family to Jonestown for a Kool-aid party.

Every single one of them makes me sick. Worse, ashamed I share the goddamn country with ‘em. That little ”White wannabe,” Marco Rubio, a man able to combine JFK’s youthful boyishness with Nixon’s sleaze, said in an interview on The Kelly File, It’s not about closing down mosques. It’s about closing down anyplace — whether it’s a café, diner, an Internet site — anyplace where radicals are being inspired.

Right. Ignore the First Amendment and shut ‘em down. Just like that. But let’s not even talk about gun control—that’s supposedly a Second Amendment right. This son of immigrants, (who wouldn’t have been allowed into this country if Rubio’s promises were in effect at the time), squealed like he’d seen the Walking Dead when the Calgary-born, Texas plaid-man of the people (by way of Harvard and Evangelicals), Teddy Cruz, told boy-toy he wasn’t a real conservative. The Canadian Cowboy reminded the twit he had once proposed a path to Green Cards for our undocumented. Rather than stand behind this minimal shred of humanity, Rubio gulped and stuttered that he wouldn’t support that now. Worse, if All That Glitters doesn’t nail the nomination, my money is actually on the little bitch.

But I’m not done with the bible-spouting, flag-waving cowboy, who has blood drooling from his mouth instead of spit. We will carpet bomb them into oblivion. Them being ISIL despite their embedment within major urban areas within Syria and Iraq. Cruz not only wants to bomb, he wants to gloat. I don’t know if sand can glow in the dark, but we’re going to find out. This prick should have been the one riding the bomb instead of Slim Pickens in Dr. Strangelove.

And speaking of doctors, Malpractice Carson (who averaged a little less than one lawsuit every ten years so I’m probably being a little mean) hasn’t remembered the Hippocratic Oath; in fact, he’s moved into physician-heal-thyself status. Mr. Nice Guy is opposed to allowing Muslims to run for President and compared Syrian refugees to rabid dogs —although not during the debate. His solution? Create a Shangri La in, I believe, Jordan because, in these camps they have schools, they have recreational facilities that are really quite nice. Doctor, you’re fucking with my head.

No, not Jeb! He’s a piece of burnt, dried-out toast. Looked like a guy who wanted to be anywhere else and couldn’t figure out why he had listened to Daddy and Mommy. But even he couldn’t stop from taking a shot at dark. Jeb! said he would prefer to give asylum to Christian rather than Muslim refugees. A polite way of saying, Fuck the desperate Syrians.

This whole debate was a venue of vultures preying on our worst fears and the worst sides of our national character, all the while showing the worst sides of their characters as they pushed and shoved to get airtime. Every one of them, including Fiorina, with her, let’s become a Silicon Valley Nation. Yeah, just what we need. A government populated by the Zuckermans of the world. THEY WOULD FIRE YOUR ASS, lady! Just like they did before.

As for the fat fuck, look, I like New Jersey. Hell, I’m from Carteret. But there are two kinds of Jersey people. Those that never leave, and those who leave and never move back.

So, PLEASE, PLEASE keep Christie at home. You voted him into office. The only blowhard “experienced” enough to fight ISIL never served a minute in the military or even understands the word “diplomacy,” but has the faux cajones to blubber, I cannot allow New Jersey to participate in any program that will result in Syrian refugees — any one of whom could be connected to terrorism — being placed in our State. Then happily flaps his chins “yes” when asked if that included five-year-old orphans. Christie also bellowed that he’d be more trusted by Jordan’s King Hussein than Obama. Hat’s off, shmuck. Hussein’s been dead since 1999.

You’ve run a long way from Clifford Case, New Jersey. Shame on you.

Frankly, there are too many more morons to continue the litany. I’m out of breath and losing heart. To put the entire crowd of war-mongering, anti-my-America racist losers into perspective, when asked about our foreign policy disagreements with Putin, the so-called grownup of the menagerie, John Kasich, replied, Frankly, it’s time we punched the Russians in the nose. This bastard actually wants another round of Duck and Cover.

Uh-oh, I hear the sirens in the distance. I have to prepare for my straitjacket and ambulance ride cause they’re coming to take me away…

Tomorrow is my 31st Anniversary, I’m preparing for a colonoscopy, and I’m watching the Republican Debate. It’s a perfect shitstorm. ~ Bette Midler



Zachary Klein

zachIt’s 2015 heading into ’16 and our national discourse seems like a throwback to before I was born—and that’s a serious journey in a time machine. Frankly, it’s extraordinarily depressing to watch presidential candidates scurry into racist, xenophobic postures pandering to people who aren’t worth the air they breathe.

Yeah, I feel as harsh as I sound. This is shaping up to be my winter of discontent. I see the beauty of scientific progress in the close-up videos of Pluto. But I’m listening while our politicians rail against immigration, Muslims, educational standards, a woman’s right to choose and the name #Blacklivesmatter, while, at the same time, they dismiss evolution, climate change, and environment protection. One long run-on sentence in opposition to the 21st century.

“But Zach, they took down the Confederate flag. Obama has gone rogue and is finally acting like a progressive. Clinton opposes the pipeline. Feel the Bern!”

Feel THIS. As of June 2014 “More than four in 10 Americans continue to believe that God created humans in their present form 10,000 years ago, a view that has changed little over the past three decades. Half of Americans believe humans evolved, with the majority of those saying God guided the evolutionary process. However, the percentage who say God was not involved is rising.” Whoopie.

EvolutionMaybe I should dance because Alabama will now teach evolution. BUT, Alabama will also keep its disclaimer sticker on the textbook cover. That sticker is actually a one-page insert placed on the inside of the front or back cover of every biology textbook a child reads in public schools in the state, according to Steve Ricks of the Alabama State Department of Education. “It encourages students to question the theory [of evolution] and ask questions about it.” The insert was advocated for by conservative Christians, according to the Associated Press.

Which brings me to the bullshit about the “war on Christianity.” Presently, more than two-thirds of Iowa Republican voters surveyed said President Barack Obama is doing the waging. Then who the hell is his army? Jews? African-Americans? Buddhists?

Ahh, what’s the matter with me? Must be those Muslims because, according to a new (Sept.14, 2015) CNN/ORC poll, 29% of Americans say they think Obama is himself a Muslim. That’s a whole lot of stupid. Sorry Kim Davis et al, you folks are fucking crazy.

We get Christmas shoved up our asses from November on. Look at the “evolution chart” presented earlier. Look at the Christian know-nothing stranglehold Texas has on text books. Hell, look at the abortion issue.

Roe V. Wade was settled in 1973. Forty-two years and counting and this is where our country sits. (Abortion | Gallup Historical Trends)

AbortionTo nuance the issue, according to a recent national CNN poll, the “take-away” becomes this:

AbortionPollThis does not suggest any assault on Christianity. Not while politicians fall over each other to wrest away a woman’s control of her own body. Rather than a war on Christianity, what we’ve got is a religious war on basic freedoms. Hell, if the NSA ain’t hacking, the pious are. And succeeding.

I’m fine with anyone who chooses to not have an abortion, or has religious objections to it. But the idea that they have some sort of moral superiority over those who believe in a woman’s right to choose is flat out dog dung. Especially since I really haven’t seen these Holier-Than-Thous lining up at adoption agencies despite our country having 397,122 children who live without permanent families in the foster care system with 101,666 of these children eligible for adoption. Where is the morality in the fact that nearly 32% of these children will wait over three years in foster care before being adopted. Or wait forever. Please, spare me ethic lessons.

But I do understand the religious jihadists’ panicked projections. Fifty-seven percent of Republicans want to dismantle the Constitution and establish Christianity as the official national religion. So, of course, we must be fighting a war against them since they just haven’t gotten their way.

As a typical old White guy, I haven’t yet discussed our viciously racist, supremacist society. Where to begin? We don’t lynch anymore? Well, why bother? Just throw ’em in jail or have the police beat or kill them.

“Black Americans are more than twice as likely to be unarmed when killed during encounters with police as white people, according to a Guardian investigation which found 102 of 464 people killed so far this year in incidents with law enforcement officers were not carrying weapons.” (Emphasis mine.)

UNARMEDNationally, according to the 2010 U.S. Census, African-Americans are incarcerated five times more than Whites are, and Hispanics are nearly twice as likely to be incarcerated as Whites:

INCARCERATIONI ask my conservative Christian friends, who is the war really being fought against?

And so it goes. And goes. And goes.

I know this is the paragraph that should be screaming “strap ’em on, win one for The Gipper,” but I’m no Howard Beal from Network. I can’t sit here and write, “I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take this anymore!” because I am going to sit here and take it. I’ll sign my petitions, vote, and maybe even work for Sanders—despite his ugly numbers, (Clinton is backed by 42% of Democratic primary voters nationally, compared to 24% for Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders, 22% for Biden and 1% for former Maryland Gov. Martin O’Malley.) but so what? Just another exercise in futility.

Anyhow, I have to barricade my door to protect my Jewish ass from the war on Christianity.

“Stripped of ethical rationalizations and philosophical pretensions, a crime is anything that a group in power chooses to prohibit.” ~ Freda Adler