- You may NOT cheat by Googling the quotes. (Humpf.)
- Commenters may invent their own Trump quotes, but these fakes should be clearly labeled as such. The individual who devises the most outrageous yet plausible.
- Trump quote will receive ten bonus points.
- The winner will be declared on Friday.
All right? Ready, set…go for it!!!!
1. “The gays love me. I’ve hired a lot of gays.”
2. “My wife Melania will be the hottest First Lady in the history of this country.”
3. “Jeb Bush has to like the Mexican illegals because of his wife.”
4. “What’s really bugging the other Republican candidates is that they know I’m much richer and much smarter than they are, and it makes them crazy.”
5. “The women have told me that once they’ve had sex with me, they can’t be satisfied by any other man.”
6. “If Hillary Clinton can’t satisfy her husband, what makes her think she can satisfy America?”
7. “Part of the beauty of me is that I’m very, very rich.”
8. “Writers and artists and musicians are good, but basically they’re losers. Most of them don’t make much money. I can respect a guy like Stephen King. He’s made a lot of money.
9. “I will be the greatest representative of the Christians they’ve had in a long time.”
10. “When I get to the White House, there will be an upgrade, I can tell you. We’ll be putting in a world-class spa, a gourmet kitchen, and penthouse accommodations. And Donald Trump is telling you it won’t cost the American people one cent.” [Note: Donald Trump, like very small children, often refers to himself in the third person.]
11. “I have a great relationship with the blacks. I’ve always had a great relationship with the blacks.”
12. “If I decide to run, you’ll have the great pleasure of voting for the man that will easily go down as the greatest president in the history of the United States: Me.”
13. “I’m much taller than Vladimir Putin. That’s important in making a deal.”
14. “Susan Kelly is a bimbo.”
15. “Arianna Huffington is unattractive both inside and out. I fully understand why her husband left her for a man—he made the right choice.”
16. “I love associating with losers, because it makes me feel better about myself.”
17. “Women find his power almost as much of a turn-on as his money.” [Again, third person.]
18. “I don’t want [ISIS] to know what I’m doing. Unfortunately, I’ll probably have to tell at some point, but there is a method of defeating them quickly and effectively and having total victory.”
19. “It’s a proven fact that my I.Q. is pretty much the same as Einstein’s.”
20. “They kiss my ass in Palm Beach.”
Author’s note: It was fun writing this quiz, but a lot harder than you might think to invent the fake quotes. By the time this piece is published, Trump will probably have said a few more things even more grotesque than I could ever imagine.