Bernie Sanders:
The wealthiest 400 people in America now own more wealth than the bottom 150 million Americans.

The Fix:
People love #sotu because it feels like genuine bipartisanship is possible. It’s like opening day in baseball

Jamie Kilstein:
All right obama, time for you to trick me into liking you and getting my hopes up for a few minutes.

CJ Werleman:
Rick Perry is at home wearing a beer helmet, while watching the State of the Union he wants to secede from.

Stephen Colbert:
SOTU drinking game: One shot after each time Obama says something socialist. If you’re confused, it’s at the end of every sentence.

Michael Ian Black:
If Obama wants to draw a stark contrast between himself and Gingrich tonight, he should do the State of the Union shirtless.

Tim Duffy:
Why is the State of the Union Address ignoring Ron Paul?

Ali Abunimah:
Boehner, Our Nation’s first Orange-American Speaker. A milestone for the fake-tan community.

Lizz Winstead:
Clarence Thomas busy amending tax returns tonight I guess.

Evan Kessler:
Pretty funny when politicians who hate each other pretend to be enthusiastic about shaking hands.

Eric Stangel:
Drink every time Biden wipes his nose… The count is at 1

Stephen Gutowski:
Starting off with the bungled Iraq withdraw seems kind of odd.

Lisa Pepper:
RT .@AngryBlackLady: Somebody check President Obama’s back to make sure Cantor didn’t tape a “kick me” sign.

Mother Jones:
“Obama Begins State Of The Union By Asking Congress To Imagine Newt Gingrich Standing Before Them.”

FYI: Black America has watched its wealth plummet to the lowest its been in 25 years.

Imani ABL:
On a scale of Hammered to Shitcanned, how drunk is Orange Julius?

Dylan Stableford:
Oof. John Kerry looks like an unpublished Bloomberg Businessweek cover.

Ron Feiertag:
RT @FrankConniff Only half of the audience seems to be enjoying President Obama’s speech. Tough room.

Top Conservative Cat:
Has anyone yelled “you lie!” yet? No! Then why did we elect you #teaparty bozos if you just sit there instead of calling Obama out?

Whenever they show Eric Cantor, all of my plants die and I feel sad inside.

The Illuminati:
As Obama speaks on jobs moving overseas, the “Made in China” sticker on his American Flag Lapel Pin is starting to show.

Tuskegee Airgoon:
I gotta get me one of those U.S. Flag lapel pins so that people will shut up whenever I speak.

John Fugelsang:
Members of Congress, I have the high privilege and distinct honor of presenting the man I’ve devoted my life to smearing.

@HotlineReid: I want to see Mystery Science Theater 3k version of #sotu

Ed Schultz:
Nice to see GOP sitting on their hands during the “teachers matter” applause line.

Biden drawing pictures of trains now, but Boehner won’t look at them.

Tim Duffy:
Guys, I’m a little afraid that John McCain CAN’T stand up.

David Corn:
There he goes with facts. That can’t work.

Evan Kessler:
I think “The Promise of Clean Energy” was the name of a Paula Abdul song.”

He watched the president’s speech with a glint of hope that things could indeed be better but then he realized he had eaten too much cheese.

Jesse Taylor
I think we’re about three years away from a State of the Union where the President walks around Congress with a wireless mic.

Andy Borowitz:
“I am proud to report that in addition to bin Laden, I just killed the dude who wrote that milk joke.”

Andy Borowitz:
BREAKING: Gingrich Now on Fifth Wife

Michael Ian Black:
This guy is so good I wish he was president.

Brandon Mendelson:
“We want a government leaner, quicker, and more responsive to the needs of Americans, so I’ve signed us all up for The Biggest Loser”

Andy Khouri:
I think it’s cool that Hillary Clinton and Nancy Pelosi traded haircuts.

Matt Binder:
Obama: “It doesn’t matter if you’re black or white.” For a second, I thought he was breaking out in song again. But then he continued.”


Bianca Jagger:
RT @lejlaows: So basically homeowners are screwed, banks are allowed to commit fraud, and we’re entering World War III. Excellent.

Garance Franke-Ruta:
GOP finally picked someone for this career-destroying SOTU response assignment who has no presidential plans.

Gabe Delahaye:
FUN FACT: Mitch Daniels is the guy who squeezed his fish face through the prison bars in X-Men 2: More X-Men.

Shannyn Moore:
“Government as big and as bossy” from a guy representing the party who wants uterus control.

Jill Morris:
Looks like they woke up Mitch Daniels from being cryogenically frozen, so if that’s true, he’s doing great.

Jamie Kilstein:
I’m guessing that black mark on his flag is what Cheney uses to control him.

Anders Furze:
Next to their Presidential nominees, this Daniels guy sounds like Che Guevara.

“Haves and soon to haves”? Wtf is a “soon to have”? “Soon to have” means you have yet to HAVE it… Gtfoh!”

Obama: “I’m candidate Obama, and I approve this message.”  Republicans: “Birth certificate, and stuff! #rebuttal” Me: “Mmm… cake.”

Matthew Desilet:
I’m sorry Republicans, but you have NOT been a loyal opposition.

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