By

Zachary Klein

And I deserve it. I did it to myself. I should be locked up. Time for someone to rip my fingers off the clicker, keyboard and telephone. Time to chill in a rubber room and get force-fed Thorazine.

But why now, you ask?

Close to five hours keeping company with Wolfe watching thirteen asswipes screaming for dark meat. Listening to…NO Syrians! NO Mexicans! NO Muslims! NO Obama! But no NO to all the White meat mass-murderers who can get guns at a fucking show without having to bother with a background check. That’s why.

Along with no NO to all the stupid ass lies that catapulted us, bombs first, into the Middle East. Licking chops at the prospect of slaughtering towel-heads, despite the loss of sixty thousand American Ground Pounders, Wingnuts, and our coalition partners. Not to mention hundreds of thousands Iraqi and Afghani people who had gornisht to do with the Saudi terrorists who brought down the Trade Center.

They fucking pretend nothing needs to be said about those Middle East wars, instead just pander to voters’ fears and ugliest instincts. Christ, if I believed in these mooks’ collective worldview, or believed that most Americans felt the same, I’d start inviting friends and family to Jonestown for a Kool-aid party.

Every single one of them makes me sick. Worse, ashamed I share the goddamn country with ‘em. That little ”White wannabe,” Marco Rubio, a man able to combine JFK’s youthful boyishness with Nixon’s sleaze, said in an interview on The Kelly File, It’s not about closing down mosques. It’s about closing down anyplace — whether it’s a café, diner, an Internet site — anyplace where radicals are being inspired.

Right. Ignore the First Amendment and shut ‘em down. Just like that. But let’s not even talk about gun control—that’s supposedly a Second Amendment right. This son of immigrants, (who wouldn’t have been allowed into this country if Rubio’s promises were in effect at the time), squealed like he’d seen the Walking Dead when the Calgary-born, Texas plaid-man of the people (by way of Harvard and Evangelicals), Teddy Cruz, told boy-toy he wasn’t a real conservative. The Canadian Cowboy reminded the twit he had once proposed a path to Green Cards for our undocumented. Rather than stand behind this minimal shred of humanity, Rubio gulped and stuttered that he wouldn’t support that now. Worse, if All That Glitters doesn’t nail the nomination, my money is actually on the little bitch.

But I’m not done with the bible-spouting, flag-waving cowboy, who has blood drooling from his mouth instead of spit. We will carpet bomb them into oblivion. Them being ISIL despite their embedment within major urban areas within Syria and Iraq. Cruz not only wants to bomb, he wants to gloat. I don’t know if sand can glow in the dark, but we’re going to find out. This prick should have been the one riding the bomb instead of Slim Pickens in Dr. Strangelove.

And speaking of doctors, Malpractice Carson (who averaged a little less than one lawsuit every ten years so I’m probably being a little mean) hasn’t remembered the Hippocratic Oath; in fact, he’s moved into physician-heal-thyself status. Mr. Nice Guy is opposed to allowing Muslims to run for President and compared Syrian refugees to “rabid dogs” —although not during the debate. His solution? Create a Shangri La in, I believe, Jordan because, in these camps they have schools, they have recreational facilities that are really quite nice. Doctor, you’re fucking with my head.

No, not Jeb! He’s a piece of burnt, dried-out toast. Looked like a guy who wanted to be anywhere else and couldn’t figure out why he had listened to Daddy and Mommy. But even he couldn’t stop from taking a shot at dark. Jeb! said he would prefer to give asylum to Christian rather than Muslim refugees. A polite way of saying, Fuck the desperate Syrians.

This whole debate was a venue of vultures preying on our worst fears and the worst sides of our national character, all the while showing the worst sides of their characters as they pushed and shoved to get airtime. Every one of them, including Fiorina, with her, let’s become a Silicon Valley Nation. Yeah, just what we need. A government populated by the Zuckermans of the world. THEY WOULD FIRE YOUR ASS, lady! Just like they did before.

As for the fat fuck, look, I like New Jersey. Hell, I’m from Carteret. But there are two kinds of Jersey people. Those that never leave, and those who leave and never move back.

So, PLEASE, PLEASE keep Christie at home. You voted him into office. The only blowhard “experienced” enough to fight ISIL never served a minute in the military or even understands the word “diplomacy,” but has the faux cajones to blubber, I cannot allow New Jersey to participate in any program that will result in Syrian refugees — any one of whom could be connected to terrorism — being placed in our State. Then happily flaps his chins “yes” when asked if that included five-year-old orphans. Christie also bellowed that he’d be more trusted by Jordan’s King Hussein than Obama. Hat’s off, shmuck. Hussein’s been dead since 1999.

You’ve run a long way from Clifford Case, New Jersey. Shame on you.

Frankly, there are too many more morons to continue the litany. I’m out of breath and losing heart. To put the entire crowd of war-mongering, anti-my-America racist losers into perspective, when asked about our foreign policy disagreements with Putin, the so-called grownup of the menagerie, John Kasich, replied, Frankly, it’s time we punched the Russians in the nose. This bastard actually wants another round of Duck and Cover.

Uh-oh, I hear the sirens in the distance. I have to prepare for my straitjacket and ambulance ride cause they’re coming to take me away…

Tomorrow is my 31st Anniversary, I’m preparing for a colonoscopy, and I’m watching the Republican Debate. It’s a perfect shitstorm. ~ Bette Midler