Now that laws and attitudes are changing, it’s one of the last “don’t ask, don’t tell” situations. In fact, in my circles, it’s the love that dare not speak its name. But I’m here to say it—loudly, proudly, to the world—I LOVE TELEVISION. And this has been true my entire life.
Why? First and foremost it keeps me company. Even when I’m not paying any attention to what’s on, the background murmur reassures me I’m not dead. And when I’m not paying attention, the TV doesn’t even complain—it’s selfless that way.
Television was my first “virtual” friend and, despite all these years together, we’ve never had an argument. Sure, I sometimes get pissed. Why isn’t there anything good on? Why isn’t anything bad that I like on? But, TV, as I like to call it for short, has figured that out. Now you can easily record shows or go On Demand for those barren hours. Hell, if you’re desperate there’s always a Law and Order variation somewhere.
The notion that it dumbs down our society? Please. Can our society get any dumber when 60-some percent of our country doesn’t believe in evolution?
No one trots out that this is stupid, empty entertainment shit when they bow down to TV’s “Golden Years.” Do folks really believe that Red Skelton raised IQs? Or Jackie Gleason with the June Taylor Dancers? Milton Berle? Ok, Ernie Kovacs appealed to hipsters and The Honeymooners helped salvage marriages.
If those years were “Golden,” then today’s are Platinum. (Though a warmth lingers still for spotlights and “Goodnight, Mrs. Calabash, wherever you are.”)
But really:
Has there ever been better satire than The Daily Show?
Has there ever been better performance art than The Colbert Report?
Did Playhouse 90 present better dramas than The Sopranos or In Treatment?
Is there anyone better than Rachel Maddow to make progressives feel smug?
Or Papa Bear O’Reilly to make Tea-baggers salivate?
Sorry, if people want to talk about the dumb down, television isn’t the place to start. Not when programs like The Wire are being written and shown on a regular basis. And I can’t imagine any comparison between Gunsmoke and Deadwood, which might very well be the best western ever presented in any form. (And yeah, I’ve seen Red River, and all the Spaghetti’s.) Tell me, humanitarians and Quincy Jones fans, whether “We Are The World” brought smile and tear. Damn, even ads have their moments. “I’d Like To Buy The World A Coke,” and China’s Olympic Opening Ceremony (also a commercial—albeit an expensive one) kept people watching.
So why do I feel so protective about my best friend? Primarily because of where it’s placed in the cultural pecking order—down in the dirt as chicken feed. And many, probably most, of those who tout the “higher” pecks spend more time watching it than any other medium.
I like watching the best that television has to offer, and also the worst. (Come out of the closet, people.) Sure I get kick out of the emasculation of Bruce Jenner on Keeping Up with the Kardashians, The Iron Chefs (though I haven’t cooked a meal in 25 years), the weirdos who make the cut on Project Runway, and even the Dog Whisperer , though his magic does nothing for our cats.
And, of course sports. Perhaps the only thing left in our country where the outcome isn’t preordained. (I’m not really talking about cage fighting though there was a time when wrestling with those buffed, sweaty bodies…uh, better leave it there.)
But ultimately I’m just glad television is here, 24/7, 52 weeks a year with no chance of dying before me. How can you have a safer relationship? Despite no sex, with serious exceptions, very little meaning. Don’t need that cigarette after NCIS–either of ’em.
Now understand, I really wouldn’t trade Sue or my kids for a television. Trudat.
But I’m lucky—I don’t have to. I can have it all, TV never says a jealous word.
(Eventually there will be a PART, 2)
Virtue is insufficient temptation.
-George Bernard Shaw